FUNNY EMAIL MESSAGES

Note: Jokes on Joseph "Erap" Estrada - The Philippines' most notoriously funny president. All Jokes in this post are written in Filipino


Sa panliligaw ni Erap, mahilig siyang sumulat ng coded love messages tulad ng:
ITALY - I truly adore and love you
SASAYA - Stay as Sweet as you are
Para lalong bumilib and kanyang nililigawan, sinikap niyang gumawa ng "love letter" na gamit ang alphabet:
ABC - Always be careful
DEF - Don't Ever forget
GHI - Go Home Immediately
JKLM - Just Keep Loving Me
NOPQRSTUVW - No One Perfectly Quite Romantic Should Treat U Very Well
Napa-whew at pinagpawisan si Erap. Tatlong titik na lang and
natitira...XYZ.
Pinag-isipan ito nang husto ni Erap. Makalipas ang oras,
napangiti siya at pinalakpakan ang kanyang sarili bago
sinulat ang:
XYZ - Xee You Zoon!!

FRIES
Kumain sa isang sosyal na restaurant sina Erap at FVR.
"Give me Swiss Steak and French Fries"
order ni FVR sa ingles.
"And you Sir? tanong ng waiter.
"The same, Give me sweepstake and first prize, too"
sagot ni Erap.

GROUP
Erap was asked if a group of birds is called a flock
of bird, and a group of fish is called a school of
fish, and a group of wolves is called a pack of
wolves, then what do you call a group of dogs?
Erap: Madali lang yan, anong akala ninyo sa akin tanga!
Di anser is "asociation" .

BRIDGE
Nagpunta si Erap sa England at nag-meet sila ng prime minister.
Habang kumakain, nagtanong ang prime minister.
"Is San Juanico Bridge the longest bridge in the Philippines ?"
"Yes," mabilis na sagot ni Erap saka biglang nag-isip ng maitatanong
din, "Ah... Is London Bridge falling down?"

ANONG GATAS?
"Ang gatas ko noong baby ako, Lactum," kuwento ni Marcos sa ibang
presidente.
"Ah ako, Enfalac, 'yun ang mahal, eh," sagot ni Cory.
"Ako, Lactogen, kaya ganito ako katalino," sabi ni Ramos.
"Ikaw, Erap, ano ang iniinom mo noon?" tanong ng tatlo.
"Ano yata Lactacyd."

ALLEGATIONS
In a cabinet meeting ERAP (galit na galit) :
THERE HAS BEEN A LOT OF ALLEGATIONS THESE DAYS AND
I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW WHO THE "ALLIGATORS' ARE.

The most intelligent "presidentiable"
Miriam Santiago, has challenged the least intelligent presidentiable to a televised
debate.
To make things interesting, Miriam says that every time she asks Erap a question which he cannot answer, Erap has to pay Miriam five pesos. BUT if Erap asks Miriam a question which she cannot answer, Miriam has to give Erap five thousand pesos.

Miriam asks the first question: "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" Erap doesn't say a word, reaches for his wallet, pulls out a five-peso bill and hands it to Miriam.

Now, it's his turn. He asks Miriam: "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?" Miriam looks at him with a puzzled look.

She whips out her laptop computer and searches all her references. She taps into the phone with her modem and searches the Net. Frustrated, she sends E-mails to all her aides, assistants, and friends. All to no avail.

After over an hour, she admits defeat and hands Erap five 1000-peso bills. Erap says nothing, but politely accepts the P5,000 and turns away to go home.

Miriam is a poor sport and demands from Erap, "Well, so what IS the answer!?"

Without a word, Erap pulls out his wallet and gives Miriam another five pesos....


SAVE
FVR, Cory and Erap, are about to be executed in front of
a firing squad. Each of them is blindfolded and given the chance
to call upon the forces of nature to save them. The executioner
starts the countdown: "10, 9, 8,....".
FVR shouts, "Flood!". In a sudden, a big wave came. FVR was able
to escape because of the commotion.
It's Cory's turn. She shouts: "Earthquake! ". The people watching
the execution panicked. She was able to escape.
Erap was wondering what calamity to call. The executioner started
counting again: "10, 9, 8, 7....". Erap had a mental block. "5, 4, 3, 2, 1..."
Erap shouted: "Fire!".

ERAP IN LIBR ARY
Erap in Library
"What time does the library open?" Erap on the
phone asked.
"Nine A.M. " came the reply. "And what's the idea
of calling me at home in the middle of the night
to ask a question like that?"
"Not until nine A.M.?" Erap asked in a disappointed
voice.
"No, not till nine A.M.!" the librarian said.
"Why do you want to get in before nine A.M.?"
"ha, who said I wanted to get in?" Erap sighed
sadly. "I want to get out!"

IN LABOR
One particular day many years ago, Erap's
wife was having labor pains.
Erap panicked so he called their doctor.
Erap: Hello, doc. My wife is in labor!
Doc: Is she in a lot of pain?
Erap: Yes, doc!
Doc: Is this the first baby?
Erap: No, doc. This is Erap!

ANOTHER EXAMPLE
Teacher: (talking to ERAP) Can you give me an example of a beast of burden?
ERAP: Carabao, ma'am! Teacher: Very good, ERAP. Can you give another example?
ERAP: How about another Carabao?

TESTING
As Erap's Driver test drive it.
Driver to Erap: Sir, pweding pakitingin kung umiilaw yung parking light
(as driver switches on the parking light)
Erap: OK, its ON! Gumagana.
Driver: Sir, yung headlights, umiilaw ba? (as driver switches on the headlights)
Erap: OK rin, its ON! Gumagana.
Driver: Sir yung signal light pakitingin? (as driver switches on the signal light)
Erap: Gumagana, ay ayaw, ay gumagana, ay ayaw, ay gumagana, ay ayaw.......

WA CLASS
Reporter to Erap alighting from a PAL flight: "Mr. President, what can
you say about the economy?"
Erap: "I don't know, kasi nasa first class ako."


KAMUKHA DAW
Jingoy: Dad, sabi nila pagnakaharap ako kamukha ko si Jose Rizal,
pag-nakaside view kamukha ko naman si Manuel Roxas. Anong ibig sabihin yon?
Erap: Mukha kang pera.

THE WIFE
Sa isang party. Sabi ng isang Ambassador to Erap,
"I haven't met your wife. Where is she?"
Napadaan si First Lady Loi. Sabi ni Erap, "Oh, my wife just passed away."

CEASEFIRE
ERAP to MILF : Sumuko na kayo!
MILF: Di kami susuko pag di mo maispel ang CEASEFIRE.
ERAP : Tama na! Tuloy ang giyera.

AIR PRESSURE
Pa-landing na ang presidential plane. Napansin ng stewardess na parang
sumasakit ang tenga ni President Erap dahil sa air pressure kaya
lumapit ito.
"Sir, chewing gum para hindi sumakit ang tenga ninyo sa flight," sabi
ng stewardess.
Tinanggap ni Erap ang chewing gum. Ilang sandali pa, lumapag na ang
eroplano. Kinausap ni Erap ang stewardess.
"Miss, paano ko tatanggalin ang chewing gum sa tenga ko?" tanong nito.

PASALOAD <>eh >>di >> > >lalakeng - lalaki ka.
Erap : Oo.
Ramos : Eh kung lalakeng - lalaki ka, eh di macho ka.
Erap : Oo.
Ramos : Kita mo na, ganyan lang ang logic!
Erap : Okey pala yang logic na yan, ah!
The following day, Erap sees Maceda in the Senate. . .
Erap : Pare,Maceda, susubukan ko lang itong tinuro sa aking logic ni Ramos.
Maceda : Sige nga!
Erap : May aquarium ka ba sa bahay?
Maceda : Wala.
Erap : Bakla ka pala!