FUNNY EMAIL MESSAGES

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?

A Cebuano man praying that a bridge be constructed connecting Cebu to Bohol since he grew tired of riding fast crafts.

God: That's impossible my son. You can't even see the coasts of both place and besides there's a vast ocean separating them. No engineer can ever construct that bridge.

Man: Ok. Ok. Just forget about the bridge my Lord. Just give me enough wisdom to understand women.

God: How many lanes do you want for that bridge my son?

One Chinese person walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw
Steven Spielberg.

As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for
his autograph.

Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says, "You Chinese people bombed
our Pearl Harbor, get outta here."

The astonished Chinese man replied, "It was not the Chinese who bombed
your Pearl Harbor, it was the Japanese".

"Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same," replied Spielberg.

In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says, "You sank the
Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship."

Shocked, Spielberg replies, "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not
me."

The Chinese replies, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the
same."

Three men are walking in a forest. All of a sudden they are jumped by 50 cannibals. The cannibals take the men to their chieftain.

The chieftain says he will let them go if they complete a two-part test. The chieftain tells them each to go get 10 of a kind of fruit of their choice.

The first guy who comes back asks the chieftain what to do next. The chieftain replies that he must shove those peaches up to his butt without making any facial expressions. He got one halfway then winced in pain and got eaten.

The second guy came back with cherrys. He was on the 8th cherry when he started laughing hysterically and thus got eaten.

The next day in heaven the first guy asked the second guy why he laughed when in fact he was almost there. The second guy said he laughed because he saw the third guy coming with 10 pineapples.

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.