FUNNY EMAIL MESSAGES

God's Diary
Vol. 1 My Earliest Works
A. J. Elbridge
Australian Mad Magazine No. 364
Day 1:
Dear Diary, today I begin the "Heaven on Earth" project, the first of its kind. If successful I shall go into mass production. I've a production schedule of eight days and had developed all the plans and lodged the relevant Council approvals myself.
The project has started late. The contractors claim I gave them directions for the wrong site. They also say that under the terms of the contract I was to supply the light and heat. To save time I've provided a temporary gaseous fireball. However, this was not in my budget so we've cut a few corners. Earth will now be round rather than square. The architect says it will now not age so badly because of the smoother form, or something like that.
Day 2:
Marine engineers are experiencing difficulties. I have over-ordered on water based on the original consultant's advice. The supplier has delivered the whole order and has left for another universe to make another delivery. Won't be back this way for light years. We'll now have to dig deeper ocean channels and heap displaced soil on the landmasses that I originally planned to create flat. I hate to think of the future transport problems that I would be creating!
Unfortunately Atlantis may one day go underwater due to it's positioning. To cap it off, now the landscape gardeners will not have enough greenery to go around. I want the mountains well covered so they don't look like a mistake, but now I've created deserts. Sheesh! When the profits start coming in I'll get back to it.
Day 3:
Now we are well behind and the early problems have already taken half my budget. We start work on the sun, moon and stars. Again corners were cut to trim costs and safety items were the first to go. Many lives lost building the sun as the permanent heat and light source as temporary gaseous fireball too volatile to extended use. The contractor said he is going to sue the pants off me. I said, "go ahead, I don't wear pants, just robes!" That's got him thinking.
Couldn't afford all the stars I wanted so we've gone for a couple of what the sales guys called "black holes". Don't know much about them but they were a bargain.
Not happy with the moon. Looks like it's made of cheese for my sake! I wanted a more classic look. I only know what they were thinking.