FUNNY EMAIL MESSAGES

Graybar Land - The place you go while you're staring at a computer that's processing something very slowly (while you watch the gray bar creep across the screen).
Irritainment - Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying, but you find yourself unable to stop watching them. The O.J. trials were a prime example.
It's a Feature - From the 'Mr. Bill' adage "It's not a bug, it's a feature."
Keyboard Plaque - The disgusting buildup of dirt and crud found on computer keyboards.
Link Rot - The process by which links on a web page became as obsolete as the sites they're connected to change location or die.
Midair Passenger Exchange - Grim air-traffic-controller-speak for a head-on collision. Midair passenger exchanges are quickly followed by "aluminum rain."
Nyetscape - Nickname for AOL's less-than-full-featured Web browser.
Ohnosecond - That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake. Seen in Elizabeth P. Crowe's book The Electronic Traveller.
Open-Collar Workers - People who work at home or telecommute.
PEBCAK - Tech support shorthand for "Problem Exists Between Chair and Keyboard." (Techies are a frustrated, often arrogant lot. They've submitted numerous acronyms and terms that poke fun at the clueless users who call them up with frighteningly stupid questions. Another variation on the above is ID10T, as in "This guy has an ID-Ten-T on his system.")
Percussive Maintenance - The fine art of whacking the heck out of an electronic device to get it to work again.
Plug-and-Play - A new hire who doesn't need any training. "The new guy, John, is great. He's totally plug-and-play."
Prairie Dogging - When someone yells or drops something loudly in a "cube farm" (an office full of cubicles) and everyone's head pops up over the walls to see what's going on.
Salmon Day -The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed in the end.
Seagull Manager - A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, shits over everything and then leaves.
Square-headed Girlfriend - Another word for a computer. The victim of a square-headed girlfriend is a "computer widow."
Telephone Number Salary - A salary (or project budget) that has seven digits.
Tourists - People who take training classes just to get a vacation from their jobs. "We had about three serious students in the class; the rest were tourists."
Umfriend - A relationship of dubious standing. "This is Hank, my...um...friend..."
Under Mouse Arrest - Getting busted for violating an online service's rule of conduct.
Uninstalled - Euphemism for being fired. Heard on the voicemail of a vice president at a downsizing computer firm: "You have reached the number of an uninstalled vice president. Please dial our main number and ask the operator for assistance." Also called Decruitment. Used sarcastically to describe an unpleasant experience that you wish to gloss over.
Vulcan Nerve Pinch - The taxing hand position required to reach all of the appropriate keys for certain commands. For instance, the warm boot for a Mac II involves simultaneously pressing the Control key, the Command key, the Return key and the Power On key.
World Wide Wait: WWW.
Yuppie Food Stamps - The ubiquitous $20 bills spewed out of ATMs everywhere. Often used when trying to split the bill after a meal: "We all owe $8 each, but all anybody's got is yuppie food stamps." Also called "Yuppie Bucks."